António José (ajose) wrote,
António José

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Sword fight pratice....

More and more often I'm feeling in an arena swordfighting with my eldest son (4 years old)....

It could be fun if it weren't that also, too often, he get off his tracks and just explodes.
I've realized that he becomes completelly pissed off when he can't control people and events arround him in the way he wants and wishes (anyway, that's something he still doesn't know how to do....)
So he just blows-up and everything in his hand reach will become more or less somehing to throw onto a balist course or in any other route....

I do know that when he is like that, there is no use to try to talk with him or try to explain anythis as he is not in a state to listen to anything.
What it's necessary is to hang on and don't let him take is own will ahead, while he is like that.

But it's quite hard and has been putting all our familly into a great strain.

I think that I've already learned how do defuse these situations (I can't do it, yet, all times, but I've been successfull for some times) but I can't be with him all the time.
He needs always someone near, not to repress him, but to act upon him rewarding when he behaves and does anything constructive and cutting it as soon he starts to get of track.

A few days ago, while in one of his crisis, his grandmother asked him why did he behave like that, why did he have those outbursts of anger and he replied, while still somewhat crying, that "I get mad because I can't get my father and my mother to do the things I want them to do, the way I want them to do them....!"
And I beleive that he never spoke so truthfuly like then.

I know that the only thing I can do for him is to be firm when this happens but it has been putting a lot of strain into all of us.
And the most complex part is that the detonating event can be just nothing....

Yesterday, for instance, his grandmother asked him if he wanted a glass of milk, to which he said he did.
So she prepared one and gave it to him. Immediatelly he said he did'n want it anymore, so she said to him to let it be as he didn't had to drink it if he didn't wahted so. And that was it. Started from there and just took about 3 hours and a half of yealling, throwing things, beating with his feet on the floor, the whole set!

I usually say that it's easier to pick-up nitroglicerine as, at leas, is more predictible.... :-))

And all this got worse when, a few months ago, he decided that he just don't need nor wants to take a nap in the afternoon.
And I'm one of the few persons who can make him have the nap or, at least, stay in his room instead, although for it normally I won't be able to do anything else in that time....

What to do?
I know the guide lines and what has to be done but, also, see a long, long strugle ahead if he just doesn't start to realize that, by this way, he is not getting nowhere....

Well, now that I've putted this out of my chest, at least for a little, I'm back to work.
See you all latter....

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